- If someone means a lot to you, is it right to go looking for them on the web?
- How does one undo the consequences of a cached blog?
Let me start with two confessions - first - I had never read a blog until a month ago - and second - this is my first post. Like any technology - blogging can't be uninvented, but perhaps some aspects of life were better when it was more difficult to broadcast oneself.
The stimulus to explore the blogosphere was an attempted call on Skype from the ex of my life. The call came when I was in the middle of using Skype to talk with my father, so I was not able to reply.
After 2 years of near silence the call was a real surprise. JP had made it clear uptil then that I was (r)ejected from her life - and that she did not welcome contact from me. I experienced a welter of strong emotions - surprise and happiness - as well as confusion and, I admit, a vague feeling that I might be being played with - but I waited for a further Skype.
Whilst waiting - for a call that never materialized - I spent my time Googling. I discovered that she had moved from London to Tel Aviv - in fact she had made Aliya (emigrated). She was writing a blog - using a pseudonym - which contained one (incidental) comment about a particularly "virulent boyfriend"*. I learned a lot from the blog - and it certainly filled some gaps, though of course it gave me sleepless nights. It helped me understand the new reality but not why she had decided to contact her (ex) virulent boyfriend.
The next day I responded with a brief email**. It was promptly returned using a spoof programme that pretends an email account no longer exists, and the blog was shut down (though of course it remains viewable - as it was cached). I sent two further emails - one explaining how I felt (at the time very upset) and the other, a week latter, with news about my family (who still care and miss her). I've heard nothing since - so you might assume that it is back to the previous status quo - especially as yesterday was also the day that JP removed me from her list of contacts on Skype (thus she can no longer watch when I am online).
But no - instead I read JP's subsequent comments posted on other people's blogs, where there is a repeated inference that it was wrong of me to read her blog - and that in some way to do so violates her privacy. Now, why one (incidental) phrase is so meaningful to me and her is something that I may explore latter. However if blogs are to be cached (in essence for posterity) then it seems that the quid prop quo is an increased chance of people not being able to develop a new phase in their relationships (in the broadest of sense of the term).
Yesterday a mutual friend (who had unknown to me met JP in Tel Aviv cafe a few weeks ago) told me that she felt JP was suffering more than transient unhappiness. Perhaps this is why she tried to reach out - and why I flunked. Although one can run away from one's past for a while, by denying a parent, rejecting a lover, moving country, changing ethnicity, learning to think and count in a new language, change email and invent new pseudonyms - it would seem that this is a process that will eventually unravel. When this happens one reaches out, but the blogosphere may not be the best way to do so. It would be a shame if the blogosphere makes us remain unnecessarily hurt.
PS Although I have found a new way to record how I feel - I'm not sure if it makes sense to you dear reader. JP - I hope you are well.
* "virulent.boyfriend" has some features of a Googlewhack - 2 hits - at the time of writing
** My email:
J*******Yesterday you tried to contact me on Skype.
So I got looking - and found your comment about me.
I still miss you - and wish you the best in your new life.
A*******
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